Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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