There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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