sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
