no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have fence marks all over my body
I want to fling myself into the sun
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
