Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I could fuck to npr.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
