i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
