whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
