I'm drive I can fine osifer
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
