I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
