I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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