You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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