I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
