can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize