Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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