I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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