Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize