If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
