So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
