we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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