i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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