THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
