god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
