they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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