Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
