its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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