the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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