Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
