I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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