I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
