Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
