i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
