I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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