his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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