Already got asked if we're dating
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
