There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm both gender and math confused
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
