My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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