I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
