brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think im going to throw up on grandma
please come you make the beer taste better
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
