Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
