I feel like I'm in dance class right now
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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