apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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