"it" just moved
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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