Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
