You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
