by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
