i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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