Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
