So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
