she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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