And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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