before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
