There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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