I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
