pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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