It's like God shit irony all over that family
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
