i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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