He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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