Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
