Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
