Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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