would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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