You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
