I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
