WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
