I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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