you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
