How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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