Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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