True but thats because hes a fetus.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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