Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize