so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
