I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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