On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
