I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
