Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
