You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
honey bunches of taint.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
