Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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