I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
this hospital has no fireball
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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