I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
