it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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