Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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