No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
