you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
