i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
