if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
