I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just googled if crying burns calories
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Randomize
