Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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