Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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