i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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