Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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