That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
where does the pee come out of this thing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
