guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
