Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
