that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize