My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
