yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
two words...techno handjob
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm just crazy horny about you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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