he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
