I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
